This blog contains adult material, including depictions and descriptions of nudity, consensual BDSM play and sexuality.
If you are a minor or are otherwise legally not permitted to view this content, or if you find this blog offensive for any other reason, you must click here to exit the page. Alex in Spankingland is vehemently opposed to the corporal punishment of children. Please click here for information on non-violent parenting.

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Beyond Pervertables

I only recently moved beyond pervertables in my exploration of spanking implements. There are so many pervertables to choose from and it makes the entire world feel like a treasure hunt! Still, there's something to be said for having dedicated implements, and I've gotten just as much enjoyment from tracking those down. So far, these are the only toy producers that I've played with items from. I'd love further recommendations.

Cane-iac: Cane-iac is the site from which I've acquired the most implements. I have two different rattan canes, an 18" delrin cane, a lexan OTK paddle, a rubber paddle, an acrylic paddle, a polypropylene paddle, a "smack stick" and a very small acrylic rod, mostly used for flicking. The thing which is the most impressive about Cane-iac's collection is the fact that despite all the things I own from them, I've barely scratched the surface of what they offer. I've never had any of their wooden or leather implements, and they have a ton of other interesting synthetic options. They are always adding new items to their site, too. When my TNG group had a Toy Show and Tell meeting, I introduced several of my friends to their products, and everyone, whether spankos, sadomasochists or sensual players, found them impressive. Plus, their prices are extremely reasonable. I'm definitely a fan.

Canes 4 Pain: I don't own any implements from Canes 4 Pain yet, but I was caned with one during my first photo shoot. I was delighted to discover that my butt appears on their page :D. They certainly get my bottom's seal of approval!

Canes 4 Pain has some items that are a bit hardcore even for me (like the Sanibel Beach Canes) and others that are extremely ornate and very lovely indeed. Their less complicated models are elegant and extremely effective. They certainly seem sturdy and I like the idea of supporting an artistan. They're on the list of "places to buy things from when I eventually get money to throw around."

Kitty's Exotic Paddles: I've been spanked with Kitty's paddles during two of my shoots. They're a remarkable combination of being a total work of art and really, really solid. Those paddles hurt! They pack a punch! And they're just gorgeous :D They're so nice to touch, because of the texture, that those into sensation play would probably enjoy running them over a body. When my video with Chelsea Pfieffer is released, look for some Kitty related banter :P Once I get enough funds, I'll certainly be investing in one of these lovely pieces.

Stockroom: The physical store for The Stockroom is located right down Sunset Blvd from me, so I've been there a number of times. I have never purchased anything aside from clothing and my toy bag from them myself, but they sell an item almost the same as my nylon cane (aka the bane of my existence) and I've experimented with several of Maddycake and Sir Siq's toys from there as a top. The Stockroom is clearly not a place designed for spankos, but they have some interesting canes that I'd recommend checking out. Bottoms, if you have a sense of self preservation, pass on the nylon. I wouldn't recommend their wooden paddles, as they aren't that special for the price, but their other equipment is quite lovely.

These are all the places that I've played with toys from, that I'm aware of. I'm very open to recommendations for other places to obtain implements! :D

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Life Update, Chelsea Pfieffer and Some Thoughts!

I guess I kind of lied when I said that I was back to my regular rate of posting. I'm still pulling three posts this week, but that's the minimum that I like to do. I don't enjoy accepting the minimum effort from myself, so I'll try and keep sticking with things, especially because I am not entirely sure if I'll be able to update while I'm on the road to South Dakota or not.

I'm stressed. I've still got a lot to do before I leave. Insecurities and fears have been popping up, surviving longer than I'd normally let them due to the climate of anxiety and vulnerability that comes with change. I'm not looking forward to saying "goodbye" to anyone, let alone everyone. Still, I'm overwhelmingly excited. I'm going to have a wonderful life with Malignus. We're going to have an amazing time on the trip out to my new life. I'll never have to listen to him tell me that he doesn't have any clean dishes or food in the house ever again! :D

Yesterday, I shot with Chelsea Pfieffer for the first time. She was amazingly nice and friendly. She's the kind of person you just want to hug. The shoot was very straight-forward: it was a "Chelsea Spanks" reality shoot. The part of modeling that I'm the least good at is acting like someone other than myself when I'm in a position which is very true to my inner self, so being able to just be me while shooting a video was amazingly refreshing. Chelsea and I intend to work together again in the future when I fly back to visit Los Angeles (and to work with other amazing LA people). I've yet to meet someone I dislike when working on a spanking shoot: everyone has been amazingly kind, friendly and enthusiastic. I'm really digging spanking modeling. I just can't get enough.

I'm amazed if there are any people who have not yet tired of self taken photos of my butt in the mirror besides me. I am totally in love with my own butt.

Chelsea spanked me for a half hour straight, which further proved to me that I have absolutely NO sense of time when I'm over a lap. It seemed like a few minutes! I know that I've had spankings that were confirmed to be very long by either knowing the time before and after or having another person around to let me know which had the same feeling: time just flew by because I was really happy to be where I was and I was doing the thing I adore. There have been other spankings, especially disciplinary ones, which seemed like they lasted for about an hour, but in reality were just a few minutes long. It's probably related to the fact that there is some kind of temporal anomaly in the corner of my bedroom: time just slooooooows down there. :P

Tangentially related to what I was talking about earlier (because my scene with Chelsea had an influence on this) I've decided that while I still think that I'm fairly hetero-aligned in terms of D/s, I am just as much of a pan-spanko bottom as I am a pan-sexual. When I was a child, my fantasies were always M/F. My first five years of spanking were exclusively M/F. Recently, I've been playing with girls and women as tops quite a bit, and it's just as enjoyable for me. An open mind is a lovely thing: when I was just focused on males as tops, I was losing a lot of awesome options. F/F is pretty epic win for me, too.

Tonight, I'm going to the Halloween party at Threshold. It's my last dungeon event before I leave LA. Even more bittersweetness. It's going to be a lot of fun, though: all my LA people will be there, except Morri, who is currently out of the country. I didn't even get to have a tearful goodbye! I miss you already, Morri!

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Where Has Alex Been?! Part 2

When I woke up the morning after, my butt looked like this:

Excuse all the packing that is going on in the background.

On Saturday night, MaskofNormality, Princesstoy and I had dinner together at a Thai restaurant, where we were the only patrons and we talked quietly about kink things the entire time. We also had delicious coconut ice cream. Mmmmm! I already had my makeup on for my second costume, so it was a little strange to the waitress, I think.

From there, we went to the Bordello of Decadence: a play space in Rosemead. It was my first time there and I was really only going because it was a Halloween party and a lot of my friends were there. Pretty shortly upon arriving, I met up with my friend Porcelain Ass, who was dressed as a school girl. Princesstoy was dressed as a sailor girl and MaskofNormality was dressed as Max from "Where the Wild Things Are." His was pretty much my favorite halloween costume ever. He made it himself and it looked EXACTLY like I imagined Max's outfit would in real life. He even made fuzzy shoe covers. I couldn't stop hugging him because it was so cute. I was wearing a pink hamster suit. It was fleecy and warm, though, so halfway through the night I stripped down to my panties and tanktop and ran around like that.

[I might be adding a photo here. I am waiting for permission from my friend who is also in it.]

I didn't play at this party, but I did get to watch an awesome scene between MaskofNormality and Princesstoy. Princesstoy positively shrieks when she gets spanked hard! They were horror movie screams. MoN did an awesome job topping: he's usually a bottom, but he totally pwnd Princesstoy, all while wearing his fuzzy outfit :D Epic. Win.

I was still super sore from my spanking yesterday, especially on the areas that were covered which were previously under-spanked: Sir Siq was able to get different "territory" because he was standing on the other side of me while I was over Maddycake's lap. Sore bottom + fleecy pajama material = mmmmmmm. Positively cozy. The weather outside was cool and foggy and it made me look forward to this winter, when I can come in from the cold, get warmed up by a good spanking and then cuddle up in something warm.

I'd be lying if I said that BoD was a favorite playspace: it doesn't have any private rooms, and I don't think there are any places there where I would be able to get into a good headspace during a scene. It did, however, have a good layout for socializing and pretty nice snacks :). In all, it was certainly a nice play for a big party, but not somewhere that I would go with the intention of playing.

BoD is across the street from a graveyard, and as we were walking out the sky was a bit too light for the time of night it was, but the street was heavy with fog. It was perfect murder weather. That made the night even more Halloween-y.

On Sunday, Maddycake came over again and we did literally all the rest of my packing (except the things I'll need for the next 10 days) and had lots of snuggles. I'm going to miss all the people I've talked about in this entry way too much. On a side note, Monday and today have been a bit gloomy for me: part of it is the drop from having spent the weekend surrounded by all my favorite Los Angeles people. Part of it is the weather: it has stayed gray and rainy over here. Part of it is the fact that now that all my stuff is packed up, my apartment feels weird and sad. There's also the fact that I've been worrying about making friends and whether or not I'll be liked in my new community once I move to South Dakota. I spent most of my life being awkward and generally unpopular, so it's a hard worry to shake. I'll be with Malignus, and that fills me with glee and happiness, but I'm going to need some other friends, especially girls who want to squee over kitties and cute fuzzy stuff (when Malignus isn't around). I know a few people online and I've met a couple of people in person who seem pretty awesome, so hopefully things will work out for me in that department.

Finally, I'm shooting with Chelsea Pfieffer on Friday and Lily Starr again on the first of the month. Pretty exciting stuff!
I'm back to my regularly scheduled program, so expect posting to go back to its normal pace.

Monday, October 24, 2011

Where Has Alex Been?! Part 1

It's been about five days since I last posted. That's unusual for me! I love blogging and aspire to do it every day, if I can. That said, I've been a busy, busy girl.

In case anyone hasn't heard me talking excitedly about it recently, I'm moving to South Dakota soon: in fact, I'm leaving Los Angeles in less than two weeks. There's an awful lot to do, getting ready to move halfway across the country, by car, to a different climate, after having lived in the same place for two years. My time has been pretty divided between productivity: packing, sorting, cleaning, organizing, preparing and enjoying the time that I have left with my friends out here. As I've said before, they're awesome people who I am going to miss a great deal, and I'm very glad that I'll be visiting them frequently.

Thursday was my last munch with the Pasadena Roses and Thorns. Their December 2010 munch was my first public kink event of all time, and I've really enjoyed all the relationships I've built there. It was a fun but bittersweet evening. Maybe I cried a little bit over it. Maybe. Everyone knows, Alex never cries. :P

This weekend, I got a lot of "to do's" crossed off my list, and I got to spend quality time with a lot of friends. This included some of the best kind of time: time spent across a lap.

On Friday night, I went to Fetnoir's "Procrasta-ween" party at Threshold with Maddy and her Daddy, Sir Siq. Sir Siq has become my unofficial protector within the local scene: I *can* take care of myself, but sometimes, having a 6'4" man behind me is a comforting thing, especially when I'm prancing around a dungeon in something skimpy and ridiculous like this:

The party was very small: there was a larger event going on at a different play-space that night. Still, the people in attendance were good people, and three can be a party of itself. We had some snacks and hung out a bit, because Sir Siq and I were basically going to die of hunger when we arrived. Then we went into a black light room and Maddycake and I danced around for a while. Sir Siq was dressed as a soldier and had two airsoft guns with him as part of his costume. Have you ever been shot with an airsoft gun before? I had, in passing, over a layer or two of clothes. Mostly, I'd only been grazed with them. Like most things, airsoft guns hurt a lot more when you get hit with them directly on your bare bottom.

Sir Siq drew a target on each side of Maddycake's butt and had her bend over a bench in the private room we were in. Then he shot her directly on the first target. Then she exploded.

Not literally, of course. She just freaked out, jumping up and shouting and hopping around. It took coaxing to get her back down for the other side (including promises that I believe have not yet been fulfilled) but he eventually took the second shot. I stood back and watched her freak out and complain of the extreme hurt. Have you ever heard of the term "morbid curiosity"? I've never understood the evolutionary purpose of such a thing. Anyway, I've got a bad case of that. "I tried this thing! It totally sucked!" my friends say and I say "OOOOH! WILL HE DO IT TO ME?!"

A few minutes later, I was the one with the targets on my bare bottom. Being shot with an airsoft gun is the strongest example of pain-lag that I've ever felt during a scene. I've read descriptions of people having a full second or two of lag behind the impact and full experience of pain from a caning, and while I agree that there's a secondary pain which is much worse than the primary in those cases, it's never taken all that long for me to experience it. With the airsoft gun, it took at least three seconds. I had long enough to stand up and look at Maddycake with one eyebrow raised, because I didn't feel anything really. Then all the sudden, pain appeared. It felt like a hard cane stroke, only instead of being a line of hurt, it was concentrated into a dot of agony. It developed into a little welt that looks a bit like a bug bite. Then, I got back in position and he shot me on the other side. The second of anything is at least twice as difficult to relax through, and I did a good effort at stoicism but totally squealed when I got hit this time: before it even started to hurt. I'm not about to do this all the time, obviously, but it was very cool to find out what it was like.

We went and watched a class on Mummification Play (it fit the Halloween theme!) which was interesting. I'm clearly not about to engage in it, but it is always interesting for me to learn the how and why of another kind of play so that I can better know what my fellow kinksters are experiencing.

After the class, the three of us went into my favorite room at Threshold (the one where Princesstoy topped me) so that Maddycake could spank me. She sat down on the bench and I went over her lap, which was very nice: I think the last time I had a thorough spanking while OTK was in September, during this scene, and I am pretty much addicted to that position. Maddycake was dressed as a fuzzy, pink kitten and I had my Pikachu backpack to hug (I avoided putting my face on it because I had makeup on and didn't want to mess him up) so it was a much more adorable spanking than I usually get. Maddycake also had on fuzzy, pink paws as part of her costume, and between volleys of spanks, she would rub my butt with the paw. Usually, I've been rather "whatever" about sensation play, but this was extremely nice. It's not something I'd want to incorporate into my regular play, but every once and again, it would be super enjoyable.

After Maddycake's arm got tired (she's not usually a top :P) Sir Siq took over while I was still over Maddycake's lap. He stood on the other side of the bench and spanked me with all the implements I had with me and did a very thorough job of it. I tend to talk about how I don't like playing with non-spanko purists, but he created an atmosphere which worked extremely well for me and he had great physical spanking skill. I had my blue, rubber "running track" paddle with me, and near the end, he focused on using that because it was making the strongest reaction. I wailed and shrieked (because in a dungeon you're allowed to be noisy!) and in the end, cried (while Maddycake was rubbing my back with the fuzzy paw). I didn't realize just how much I needed to be spanked to tears right then until I got there, but I was able to let a ton of stress go. When the spanking was finished, I lay in position and hadn't a care in the world: I just cuddled there feeling happy and content. Sir Siq put my Pikachu under my arm for me to cuddle and Maddycake rubbed me with the paw some more. It was lovely to feel so safe among my friends.

After a bit, I got up and checked out my butt, then we got photos:

Later, Sir Siq gave Maddycake a beating and I helped out: I worked on her butt a bit while he was cropping her on the back and later, I provided banter and under-bus-throwing. It was nice to watch them play, too: they have very good energy in a scene. Afterwards, Maddycake and I had the fun of having sore bottoms together and that's always a lot of fun. Maddycake and Sir Siq played together until the club was about to close, so once that was finished, it was time to get home and into bed. I had another big day coming up on Saturday... [to be continued, tomorrow!]

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Photos: Lily Starr Spanking Shoot

I did my second spanking modeling shoot with Lily Starr Spanking at least a month ago, and somehow, I never got around to posting photos from it! Shame on me!

Lily and her partner, Robert Wolf, were ridiculously fun to shoot with. They are just awesome people to hang out with. I got there a bit earlier than our scheduled start time and I got to hang out and chat with them while Lily got ready. I'd known them over the internet for a while, and it's always awesome to get to hang out in-person with your online friends. We shot three scenes: one of which hasn't been released yet, the other two "One Last Chance" and "Waiting For It" are available now at Lily's Clips for Sale and Spanking Library stores.

Some photos from "Waiting For It::
I got spanked:
This video co-stars Lily's teddy bear :D

And then caned:

Then off to bed with a sore bottom and Lily's bear:

The second clip features me getting spanked by Robert.

First over my panties:

Then on the bare:

Then he beat me with his belt:

It is super hard to get a good screen capture of a belt spanking. It moves so quickly!

I was quite sore:

The video ends with *GASP* Alex in the corner:

Who would DO such a thing?!

I'll have photos from my third clip, "The Motivator," once it is released. I'm shooting with Lily and Robert again before I move, and hope to do even more when I visit California in the future.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011


I was talking with a friend about limits in preparation for Wednesday’s PTNG Discussion Social on limits, negotiation and consent. She asked me, seriously, if I personally knew what my limits are. Honestly, it was a hard question for me. I don’t like the idea of being labeled as a “hard player", despite the fact that I know I sometimes am one, but I know that a lot of my friends, especially my local friends, see me that way I’m certainly not one of those “no limits crazy people” that sometimes show up on fetlife, claiming they’d let their Dom do anything to them. I do have some sense of self preservation: it’s just less than a lot of other people's. I had to admit that there are some limits that I'm not sure of. I don’t mean what types of play or activity I am or am not comfortable with. I find that to be straight forward and easy to categorize. I do so like this:

Ethical Limits:
The following are things that I won’t do, even under duress, because I feel that they are ethically inappropriate. These limits are constant and universal.
* Play involving parties that do not or are unable to consent. This includes play involving minors, animals, the dead, the unconscious et cetera. 
* Play where the validity of consent is questionable. This includes people who are not mentally stable enough to give proper consent or those who have a track record of consenting to activities and then retroactively “removing” their consent to play the victim. I believe that consent must remain cut, dry and clear for a scene to function.

Solid (Unbending) Limits: 
I don’t like to use the word “never.” There was a time when I had “themes of bodily possession or belonging to another individual” on this list, and now belonging to Malignus is one of the greatest joys in my life. I’m always open to the idea that I could change dramatically in the future. That said, I can’t see myself ever doing these things if my life keeps going the way it is right now: 
* Sexual themes or contact in play. 
* Degradation or humiliation.
* Inserting anything into any of my orifices, including my mouth.
* The sharing of bodily substances other than my tears and blood.
* Contact with my sexual organs, including my breasts, of any sort during a scene.
* Religious, spiritual or occult themes in play. 
* Permanent bodily damage or transformation. 
* Consensual non-consent.
* Infantilism.
* Age-play where a character is younger than teenaged.
* High Protocol.

Hard Limits
These are things that I have absolutely no desire to ever do, but that I would engage in if sufficiently driven by submission and in a physically and emotionally safe environment. Those in bold carry significant emotional weight:
*Wet and Messy play, especially including food.
*Suction or vacuum play.
*Electrical play.
*Breath or choking play.
*Drowning or water-boarding scenes.
*Fire play (including fire cupping).
*Knife/ Sharp object play.
*Whipping and flogging (or any kind of impact play on the back).
*Needle play.
*Sensory deprivation.
*Medical play.
*Things involving feet.

Soft Limits:
These things aren’t my preference, but I’m willing to do them if they are useful in a particular situation or are for a video:
*Full nudity during a scene.
*Teenage ageplay.
*Bondage or restraints.

These are the limits that I understand. The ones that are lost on me are the limits of physical tolerance within a scene which is emotionally comfortable. There has to be an end to what I can take, right? If there is, it’s eluded me thus far. 
I’ve never reached the moment where a spanking becomes physically unbearable before (although I did once reach the point where I had to throw up because I had eaten way too much ice cream cake before the scene and another time because the emotional side of things wasn’t right for me). I’ve touched on the rumored “terminal hurt” –– the place where the body simply stops processing pain and things feel awesome, once, and it was an amazing experience. But I often hear people talk about thinking that they “can’t take any more” and that is something that I don’t feel.  I choose what I can endure. I have never seen a photo of a scene or created a scenario in my mind that I did not have full confidence that I could endure unless it was permanently damaging, against my other limits or far too dangerous. I’m not being cocky: I know what my abilities are, if I desire to use them. I’ve been severely injured in the past (from reasons not related to the scene!) in ways that the majority of people I interact with will never experience. I endured. I’m able to endure a considerable amount. What influences me, what creates my not yet understood limits, isn’t my ability: it’s my desire.

I’ve come to the conclusion that what I can take is based entirely on what I want to take, which makes the idea of the end point very flexible and sort of unnecessary. There’s romanticism in the idea of “going all the way” and finding the end of what I am willing to endure, the place where I no longer have any desire to continue. If I enjoy pushing myself, it would follow that I would enjoy pushing myself all the way. The problem with this is that it isn’t practical. It’s a nice fantasy, but it would involve an amount of force that would certainly be injurious and the satisfaction of proving what I can take wouldn’t be worth the effort and possible physical consequences to me. 

As it is, I take pleasure in engaging in play which is severe and “pushing myself” from time to time. It isn’t my usual thing. I don’t consider myself a particularly hard player in my daily life. When I do receive spankings that are particularly severe, I have the confidence of knowing that no matter what happens, it is something that I can take. I don’t need to have physical evidence to know that. I really only play to that level of intensity with Malignus, and I trust him entirely. Perhaps more importantly, I trust myself to be responsible for my own well-being if it comes down to it, and to endure appropriately if it does not.

Whether you’re seen by others as a hard player or not, do you know where you draw the line? Are you comfortable when others mark their limits in vastly different places than you do? I’ve often been uncomfortable talking about the level of play that I’m alright with because I fear that others will judge me negatively for it. Thoughts on that? 

Monday, October 17, 2011

Weekend Wrap-up

On Saturday, I went shopping with my Bee Eff Eff, Maddycake. I went to a bikini-bar with some friends on Friday night, so I had some leftover singles in my wallet because I was not particularly zealous with the tipping. I've been budgeting pretty carefully with the move coming up, but it was essentially leftover morale money, so, when we saw this at Sur La Table I had to get it:

I asked Maddycake what she thought this was supposed to be for and her response was "beating Alex." Clearly. I have to admit, now that I've gotten it home and messed around with it a bit, this thing kind of terrifies the hell out of me. I've had big spoons before, but they've always had a very large spanking surface. This one is much smaller, and therefore much more concentrated. Then there's the fact that the material kind of feels like Warren. -_-

At Sur La Table, they had a small Christmas tree full of kitchen related ornaments for the holidays, so I picked up the first decoration for Malignus and me as a family:

It's a tiny wooden spoon! It's so perfect for us. Its red handle echos that bitch, Jenny (Warren's little sister, who used to be the bane of my existence before Warren came around and was about 8 times worse.) Awwww.

Finally, I went into The Body Shop to get some Body Butter (for the purpose of lathering up my butt to prevent dry skin when I'm getting spanked a lot) and discovered that the entire store was buy two, get two free. So, when faced with two free items I didn't really need (because I did want to get two Body Butters to begin with. I use the Vitamin E one when I need to grow new skin and the Extra Dry Skin one otherwise) I got myself bath soap and...

See how unsure my face is? That is me being very fearful and not entirely positive what I got myself into. This is a mean thing, for sure. I also somehow managed to acquire seven new implements in the span of a couple of days, while only spending eight dollars on them. I need to stop having such good luck with this stuff. It's going to eventually lead to my untimely demise. I'm putting a ban on buying anything new at all before I leave, unless it's a packing supply or going to be consumed, since I have to store so much stuff to begin with. Today was the last shopping trip until I'm in LA as a visitor! :/

My Saturday finished up with a surprise visit from J. I'll hopefully get to see him one more time before I leave, but we treated today like it would be the last time, just in case. It was bittersweet. He gave me a nice, snuggly hand-spanking that left me feeling like I was glowing.

It was pretty faded by the time I stopped cuddling to take a photo. He didn't have long to stay today, so no baked goods. :(

Whew! That's a lot of stuff! Hope everyone else had a good weekend!

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Presents/Prizes and Peach

The other day, I got something exciting in the mail: it was a package from my very good, online friend, bottomgrl. She had told me in advance that it was not a present, but a "prize" for being awesome. We're weird like that. :)

I opened it in the car on the way home from the Post Office and discovered that it contained two absolutely awesome pairs of Halloween panties. I had been whining about wanting Halloween panties earlier, and these ones are pretty perfect for my needs:

The photos aren't great, because I took them in Photobooth on my laptop when no one else was home, but these ones say "Whooooooooooo's Scared?" I intend to wear these when I'm feeling overly confident and slightly cheeky. What? Me? Afraid of a little spanking? Ha!

These ones say "Scaredy Cat" and they're for those moments when I start crying at just the sound of an implement moving through the air: sometimes, I'm just not brave. :P

I was totally overjoyed that she thought of me and presented me with this prize for my awesomeness.

Additionally, I recently got a package that I couldn't immediately figure out who it was from, but which turned out to be from my friends who shall be referred to as Peach and IG. I met Peach through vanilla channels: she's an absolute sweetie, and a total spanko, but she hasn't reached the point where she's comfortable participating in the community yet, even online. IG is her boyfriend and Dominant. He's a clever and slightly intimidating garden-variety sadist; that is to say, he's not a spanko. He's certainly fond of spanking Peach, but it holds no greater enjoyment for him than any other method of inflicting pain on her would. I find their relationship very interesting in that regard: part of me has always thought that in a perfect world, spankos would partner with spankos all the time. I've learned that a variety of people make it work, either with a different type of kinkster or with an open-minded vanilla partner. Peach and IG don't blog, but they are comfortable with me sharing some of their stories here every now and again, when I find them interesting or relevant. :)

Peach has had some very serious health problems for the past few months, and is currently unable to engage in any impact play (on her kink-friendly doctor's orders). I can't imagine how sad that would be: to be with your primary spanker and not be able to be spanked for MONTHS. I was unable to be spanked for a day and a half while visiting Malignus the last time because my skin got...a little messed up in places. I needed the time to heal. It drove me absolutely insane. I seriously cried when I asked to be spanked and he refused. It was one of those situations, though, where he thought of the long term and I was caught up in the moment. I appreciate being taken care of that way, even when it's sad, and I know that Peach does, too: it's just a hard time for her. IG has, in the meantime, found creative ways to be a jerkface to her without violating the terms set down by the doctor (some of which are so awful that I wouldn't dare share them here or else they might get used against me), but it's obviously not the same.

Despite the fact that she's not doing particularly well, Peach has been an extremely supportive friend for me recently, and she's been sharing in my joy and excitement about my upcoming move to be with Malignus, which I really appreciate. I really like having friends who can be glad for me even when they are sad for themselves. Probably a combination of Peach's happiness and IG's leftover sadism lead them to send me a gift from cane-iac:

IG is fond of giving me slightly strange new things to experiment with: he's the one who was responsible for that blue, rubber paddle that kind of looks like it was made out of a running track, among other horrible things.

This package included (from left to right) a green acrylic paddle, a black polypropylene paddle, a polyethylene "Smack" stick, a two strand mini-acrylic cane and an 18 inch rattan cane. I'm not entirely sure what the difference is between the three kinds of plastic: as far as I can tell, they are all just "not as mean as lexan."

I'm excited to try them out, even if they are, as always, a bit scary. There's something very enjoyable about getting beaten with something purchased or made for you by a friend, though. It's as if their energy gets involved in the spanking somehow, because of the association.

Has anyone else ever gotten or given implements as gifts? Do you like the practice, or does it just seem like a physical way of throwing your friends under the bus?

Hope everyone is having a good weekend!

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Curious About . . .

The other day, I was looking through my list of fetishes on fetlife. I enjoy the fetish list: I try not to abuse it too much, but I’m fond of creating or adding fetishes that are witty, funny or poignant. Really, the whole thing is kind of unnecessary: my fetish list can be condensed into “spanking.” Everything else serves to flesh out what kind of spanking scenes I’m into: the severity, frequency and style of spanking that I enjoy is highlighted. I took a look at my “Curious about” list, though, and discovered that it was 99%* inside jokes. In fact, only five items are real things that I’m interested in trying. This got me thinking: have I done it all? Aren’t there things I still desire to experience for the first time in Spankingland?

I have a very specific kink. I like to be spanked. I like to be spanked with various things, and I’d like to expand my collection, but there are only a couple of implement categories that I haven’t explored at all yet. As far as positioning goes, I really don’t like to have too much variety: if it was practical (and up to me) I’d be spanked over a lap a hundred percent of the time. I’m not into unusual positions or restraints or bondage furniture. 

I’ve learned that I am far more fond of spankings that seem real, and which fit seamlessly into my daily life than fantasy based spankings. Despite the amount of value that I placed on my early childhood fantasies, I’d rather enjoy the themes which were important in them during a spanking that just involves me being me and my top being himself than actually act them out. I’m pretty much only into roleplaying for the sake of doing videos or if it is really funny. J. and I have had some scenes that were downright ridiculous in that regard, and I kind of dig that. I don’t have any role-plays that I’m dying to play out to add to my “curious about” list.

There are plenty of locations to be spanked in, but honestly, I don’t really approve of spanking in public places, or areas where one could be caught. I don’t get a thrill out of the risk of exposure: I just get fear and anxiety, in a bad way. I’m unable to relax and enjoy what I’m doing. As a nude model, I’ve done a lot of outdoor or semipublic work in places where it is not entirely legal, and it terrifies me. Getting caught naked is scary. Getting caught being spanked is maybe the scariest thing ever**. Because of this, the locations where I legitimately would like to be spanked are fairly limited.

That's a public road behind me. I would not like to be spanked here.

The final thing that I can think of which varies between spankings is the atmosphere. This is probably the most significant of the possible variables: it’s the main thing that makes one spanking I receive different than another. That said, I’ve explored, at least a bit, all the major atmospheres which interest me. There isn’t any one type of spanking that I’ve never experienced which stands out to me as “I want that!” There are plenty of them that I want to delve deeper into, but you can only be curious about something until you’ve tried it once. :) 

There’s a sort of meme in the spanking community of having a Spanking Bucket List, an idea popularized by a thread on fetlife which was particularly full of win. When I made my post to it some five months ago, my list was very general. From my exploration of this topic, I’ve created an updated one.

Getting spanked with a bath brush
Bath brushes are scary. I always understood in theory that they were scary: they’re basically a hairbrush on a stick, and the “on a stick” part allows the spanker to get more leverage. Plus, Janey really likes them, and anything that she likes makes me terribly afraid. When I was shooting with Lily Starr, she gave me a few test swats with the bath brush and I was surprised by just how much it hurt. Sure, we’d just done three scenes, so I was sore, but the three not particularly hard spanks that she gave me had me yelling about how unacceptable it was. 

I like scary things. I get a huge thrill from working myself up over how bad something is going to be. It’s often even worse than I psyched myself up for, too, because usually these new experiences come from a particular individual who spanks me with 0% mercy. I also have a questionable sense of self-preservation. These things combined make me want to be spanked with a bath brush.

Being co-topped
I love the energy between the person spanking me and myself during a scene. The idea of having a third party involved to add to that dynamic seems awesome to me. I’ve co-bottomed before, and that was a lot of fun, so I want to try it this way, too! I’d especially like to be co-topped by two people that particularly enjoy each other or engage well together: I think the banter would be awesome.

Getting spanked on a wet bottom
People talk about this all the time: it supposedly hurts more. I’m slightly skeptical of this, which is probably kind of silly. Whenever I’ve been skeptical of how much something hurts, it’s always really horrible. At one point, I didn’t think wooden spoons could hurt. At another, I didn’t think that the lag between a cane stroke and the full effect was “real” (before I had been caned). I even doubted the medical accuracy of the idea of a “weak spot” after skin broke during a spanking until I had to deal with one for a while. You’d think I’d eventually learn that if everyone talks about something, it’s probably accurate. Still, there’s nothing wrong with learning things the painful way, right?

Attending spanking parties
This is a big one! I’ve never even been to a tiny party. I want to go! I want to be surrounded by people who share my kink. I want to meet awesome people I’ve interacted with online. I want to get implements from a vendor fair. I want to be spanked by Tops I’ve spanking-crushed on over the internet but never had a chance to meet.

Sitting down in the snow after a hard spanking
I’ve seen photos of people doing this, and I think it’s adorable. Because I’ve been living in Southern California for the past two years and haven’t had to deal with any of the bullshit side of winter, I associate snow with coziness. Plus, if ice on a sore bottom feels good, snow would have to, right? I’ve never been spanked in a place where I could then go outside and have my bottom exposed, though, so the closest I’ve come to this is falling on my sore and swollen butt while ice skating, which, I can tell you, is not as fun as it looks and it does not look particularly fun.

Getting spanked on the beach
On the opposite end of the spectrum, if it were sufficiently private, I’d like to be spanked on the beach. When spankings are slow and rhythmic, I associate the feeling with the waves hitting me when I’m swimming in the ocean. It would be lovely to have a spanking follow that actual rhythm. I spent nearly all my life living in a costal area, too, so I have a lot of strong, positive memories associated with the shore. Plus, I bet that getting wet in the salt water afterwards would be ridiculously stingy! 

Getting spanked in my car
This is a pretty lame thing to have on my bucket list, because I think that the main reason why people get spanked in cars is because they don’t have anywhere else to go do it. Still, I’ve just recently obtained my first personal car, and nothing would make it more “mine” than being spanked in the backseat. I mark my territory with my tears.

Getting an extremely long spanking
Sometimes, during a pleasant spanking, I get the feeling that I never want it to end, and I feel the same sense of disappointment that one gets when a particularly fun ride at the fair starts to come to a halt when I feel the pace slowing down for the inevitable end. I’d love to have a spanking that just kept going. Here’s my pitch for a spanking video: a feature length film that’s just me getting one long, peaceful, OTK, hand-spanking. What? That would get boring to watch? Harumph!

Purchasing leather implements
As you may have seen in my recent post about my implement collection, I don’t own anything leather. I used to have hang ups about the material from earlier, non consensual experiences. Recently, I started playing with it and I discovered that not only do I no longer find emotional discomfort from the use of leather implements, but I am actively fond of the physical sensation. I’d like to eventually obtain some leather implements of my own.

Cutting a switch.
Originally, I didn’t think that switches were scary. I thought they were kind of like less terrifying canes or something. Then a few of my friends started comparing them to razor wire and saying that they’re the all-time worst implement they’ve ever been spanked with and I chickened out. Maybe it’s because no one has reminded me of how terrible they are in a while, maybe it’s because I’m not currently sitting on a collection of welts and bruises, maybe it’s because there isn’t anyone around to thrash me at the moment, but I’ve regained enough confidence to feel, once again, curious about getting spanked with a switch. Like I said before, I like having things hyped up and scary once in a while. This is certainly one of those things.
*Approximate figure. I did not do the math.
**I know, I use this term a lot. Someday, I’ll collate all the data and come up with the True Scariest Thing Ever (TSTE). 

Friday, October 14, 2011

Spanking Court Photos!

You know what the internet doesn't have enough of on it yet? Pictures of my butt! I'm here to fight against this huge social problem, one post at a time!

Today, I've got some photos to share from my shoot with Spanking Court, which you can read about here. In short, it was a totally awesome shoot. :D

First, here's me on trial:

Here's during my first sentence: 100 strokes with a leather strap (those ones that wrapped a lot hurt like a bitch, in case you were wondering.)

Here, I'm getting handcuffed by the lovely Dana Kane

This one is my favorite: The Spanking Court Disciplinarian (The Villain) just broke a full-size paddle on my poor butt!

And finally, here I am with the broken pieces in front of the height chart. This photo points out something very important: I shrank! I used to be a full 5'8" when barefoot without even having to posture up or anything. 

If I look a little spacey in this photo, it's because I just had two sets of 100 strokes (per set) with a leather strap, followed by 200 strokes with a (well, really two, because the first one is in pieces) wooden paddle.  

I'll post a link to the videos once they are uploaded :) 
I hope everyone enjoys their weekend!

Thursday, October 13, 2011

My First Spanking

I remember my first spanking with a combination of perfect clarity and the fairy tale gloss that comes with having remembered something over and over again for many years: in my case, six of them. 

S_F and I had talked at length about what my first spanking would be like. We’d been friends for almost a year at that point, and I knew and trusted him, and in the time that we’d been openly talking about spanking I’d gained a lot of confidence. I could say the word without getting sick in my stomach ; ). We did not, however, set up a date and time for when we’d be having my first scene. It just so happened that on that August afternoon that we were alone in the house, I was feeling well (I’d had some health problems left over from my more difficult years and was often a bit sick back then) and we were both in positive, relaxed moods. S_F determined that it was as good a time as any to give me my spanking.

From the time that I first discovered that S_F and his wife were into spanking, and learned that consensual adult spanking was a real thing, the desperation of feeling that I had an unfulfillable desire was replaced with excitement, but a new concern rose in my mind: what if I didn’t actually like being spanked? What if it was only the idea that excited me? What if the real thing didn’t live up to that which I had so long imagined? 

This was at the front of my mind at the onset of my first spanking. I felt like my entire life had, in one way or another, building to this moment. What if I hated it? It had the potential to ruin all those years of fantasy. There was only one way to find out.

S_F lead me upstairs to his study and sat down in the middle of the brown sofa there. I came in slowly and uncertainly, gently closing the door behind me. He beckoned me over to him, and I found it difficult to get my muscles to respond. My heart was beating faster than I knew was possible and I felt a little dizzy. I realized that I had been holding my breath, and I closed my eyes for a second, forcing myself to focus and move forward. 

“What is going to happen now, Alex?” he asked me, once I was standing in front of him. His voice was full of confidence and affection, and his tone wrapped me in comfort. I gathered my courage to answer the question.

“You’re going to spank me,” I finally muttered. I played with the hem of my skirt nervously, wanting to get the apprehension that had been building for so long finally over.

“Why?” he asked. I furrowed my brow. I wasn’t sure what the right answer was to that. 

“Uh...because I want you to?” I said, trying to make a statement but falling back into a question. S_F nodded.

“Precisely. Are you ready to go over my lap now?” he asked. I was very ready, and I muttered that I was. “Please do so, then.” 

Just lying down in position filled me with an immediate joy that I had never known. It was as if the instant that I was in place over his lap, I knew that I was in the right place. Despite the extreme nervousness that I was feeling, I grinned uncontrollably.

S_F flipped my skirt up, and he placed his hand on my plain, white underwear. I lay there for a moment, breathing deeply, trying to relax as combating forces of fear, anticipation and excitement fought in my chest. Then, he began to spank me.

He started firmly, but in a way that was not overwhelming or frightening. As I relaxed, accepting the reality of the situation, the fact that this was real and not a dream or a story I was making up, I realized that the sensation was actually a bit pleasant, and my fears of hating spankings began to leave. After a few moments, he increased the force behind each swat and it began to truly hurt. It didn’t hurt in the way that other things in my life before that day had hurt: other pain, even very extreme injuries that I had suffered, had seemed to pass through me, its acknowledgment entirely under my control. For the first time, I felt present in my body while something hurt, and there was nowhere else that I wanted to be. 
S_F checked in with me frequently, and I told him that I was doing well each time. After each confirmation of wellbeing, he increased his force and/or speed, making the spanking continue to grow in intensity. As the pain grew, so did my emotional comfort. I felt the strongest feeling of relief that I had ever known. This is finally real, I thought happily. Tears started to flow down my face. A few seconds later and I was sobbing. S_F rubbed my back gently with his left hand and told me that I was a good girl. He told me that he was glad that I was able to let go, and he encouraged me to cry as much as I felt was necessary. I cried and sobbed. It was the beginning of the release of fifteen years (as I remember thinking about spanking from the time I was three) of tension, stress, fear, self-loathing and shame. In a way, six years later, I’m still struggling to fully rid myself of these things, so it was not an immediate change, but the first de-corking of the bottle was a fabulous feeling.

I remember very little else about the actual spanking: mainly, it’s the good feelings, the safety, the self acceptance and the happiness that come to me when I review the memory again. After the spanking ended, I cuddled against him for a long time as I finished crying. It wasn’t a whimpy spanking at all, and I was incredibly bruised afterwards. I wish I had taken a photo, but at the time, the idea that I would ever want to share this experience with someone who wasn’t there at the time was the furthest thing from my mind. I didn’t care about other people. I didn’t care about anything else. I was safe, I was sore and I was tired. I went to sleep after hugs time was over and I slept better than I had ever before.
Thus my adventure in Spankingland began.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Even More Spanko History: The Teen Years

My last post in the series of entries outlining my history as a spanko ended with me being about twelve years old and entering into my first dating relationship. While my thoughts about myself as a spanko were still dark and bleak, I was feeling slightly better about the world in general due to my new found emotional closeness with my first girlfriend. The rest of my twelfth year was fairly positive in other areas: I came to know myself in ways I had never before, and I began to see how it would be possible for me to have a place in the world.

Unfortunately, that is where the positivity stops for some time. I am not going to write much about the years when I was thirteen through sixteen. Suffice to say, I had some serious life issues that took my mind off my desire to be spanked. My focus was on simply getting through the day alive. That’s not to say that my spanking desires entirely disappeared: only at the very lowest point of my life, when I was about sixteen, did I reach a point where I simply did not care about anything superfluous to my survival, and spanking fell into that category. Still, when my situation improved a few months later, the daydreams and fantasies returned as if they had never left.

When I was seventeen, I first saw Serious_Face in the public library. He was, it turns out, twenty eight at the time, but he just seemed “kinda old” to me. He was working on some sort of research and had a lot of his personal books and papers spread out all over a table in the History section. I was originally fascinated by his stuff: his books were mainly older and leather bound. He had fancy pens and elegant folders for his papers. He had an air of class surrounding him that I’d never before observed. I did what any person would do when such an interesting person entered his or her world: I started stalking him mercilessly. 

I realized fairly quickly that he was of English origin, which made him even more interesting to me, especially because of my long time obsession with Boy. I went to the library far more often and found myself sitting at a table adjacent to his, but getting very little reading done. He generally wore a long sleeved, button up shirt with a tie, and before he began to write, he would unbutton the cuff on his right hand and neatly roll the sleeve up, presumably to prevent ink from getting on his shirt. It sent serious shivers through my body and left me more interested in daydreaming than reading.

After two or three months of this (seriously!) I got up the courage to start talking to him. I asked him some mundane, academic questions and he answered them, then went off on long-winded historical lectures. He liked to talk and I liked to listen to him: we became fast friends. By the end of the next month, I was hanging out with him and his wife outside of the library. Eventually, I started to go over to their house pretty regularly.

Serious_Face’s house fascinated me. I lacked a lot of social skills when I was young, and I spent a lot of time just standing around staring at his stuff. I stood in front of his shelves reading book titles, and I smelled all the spices in his pantry. One day, when he was downstairs and I was looking at books in his study, I took my exploration a little too far and began to open the drawers in his desk. Tucked away behind a bunch of mundane papers and things was a heavy, leather strap. I turned beet red and slammed the drawer shut, feeling for a moment like I might pass out. Clearly, it had to be for something else. There was no way that it was for... that thing. I found myself too nervous to even think the word “spanking.” 

Originally, I intended to never mention it again. I was clearly reading something into it that wasn’t there. That was all there was to it. I couldn’t stop thinking about it, though: it was like suddenly discovering an artifact in someone’s home that suggested that magic might be real. Over time, I noticed little thing: the way that he looked at his wife when she was annoying him and the way that she shied under his gaze, the way that she occasionally sat down very carefully, the thick, ebony hairbrush on her dresser, even a small blister on the palm of his right hand. It took me months of quiet observation, but I finally decided to bring it up.

It was, hands down, the most awkward conversation of my life. I was sweating and shaking with fear and embarrassment. In order to do this, I not only had to approach something extremely personal head-on, but I had to say the word “spanking” aloud: something I had only done a handful of times in my entire life. Still, my desire to know if maybe there was a way for me to have that which I had always wanted was stronger than my fear and lack of self confidence. I was able to get through the conversation, and I found out that yes, he and his wife were into spanking. We talked about DD and accountability, about the physical side of how things were done, in his experience, and about the fact that there were other people in the world into spanking besides me, him and his wife. Then, making myself more emotionally vulnerable than I’d ever been in my life, I asked him to spank me.

He said no. At the time, it was the worst possible thing I could have heard. Now, I greatly appreciate it: I was only seventeen. He told me he would not engage with a minor that way. Thus began the waiting game. During this time, I started to use the internet to look at spanking sites a little bit, although I didn’t ever delve too deeply into that. I was so overwhelmed with excitement that one chapter of a spanking story could hold my attention for a week. The world of my fantasies was real. I was simultaneously overjoyed and petrified. I never made an account on any website. I never went on a message board. I never posted a story that I wrote. I lurked, feeling certain that even if S_F eventually did spank me, I’d never want to take my “kink” (as I had just started to think of it) any further than that. As I waited, my life changed more: I went away to college that January, where I grew and learned and matured even more. With the idea of DD in my mind, I found myself craving structure and discipline, but I tried my best to give it to myself. I set my standards high and put all my effort into their achievement.

On the day of my eighteenth birthday, I saw S_F and asked him if now that I was of age, he’d be willing to spank me. Being a cruel and awful man, he told me that he wanted to wait until he had more free time and we were both in the right “headspace” for it. So I kept waiting. It took another month and two days. 

I looked a bit different when I was 18, huh?

[To be continued]

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Shout Outs!

I've seen other bloggers make posts where they highlight new blogs that they find interesting. I'm going to do basically the same thing here, with the focus being on some of my close friends' new blogs. Ready? Good!

Life Unimagined: The first blog I want to draw your attention to isn't particularly new in the scale of the other blogs I'll be highlighting today. Life Unimagined has been around for over a month now. This blog is written by Naomi: one of my favorite people ever. She's a hardwired spanko with a sense of humor that I really, really enjoy. I appreciate the pure honesty that has been expressed in her blog thus far. She primarily writes about her disciplinary spanking relationships with both her husband and an additional disciplinarian, who she refers to as "D." I like Naomi's blog because when she updates, I really feel like I understand what's going on in her head and in her life. I highly recommend that you check it out.

Porcelain Ass' Journey in the Kink World: The next blog of note is also from Porcelain Ass. She is one of the first people from the online community that I met in real life, and she's someone who I plan to visit as often as possible when I return to California after my move. She's also a true-blue spanko, but her interests have expanded to include other BDSM activities: specifically rope bondage. She has a clips-for-sale store that you should check out, as well. Her blog details her spanking exploits, often giving blow-by-blow descriptions of disciplinary spankings that she receives from her "Daddy." I am really looking forward to reading more from her.

MissAdventures of MissBehavinMegan: MissBehavinMegan also started blogging this weekend. She's one of the first people I became close to online: I was comfortable reaching out to her because of her down-to-earth attitude. Megan is very playful and a lot of fun. She's a born spanko who has branched out to other parts of the BDSM world as well. Her blog is still brand new, but I expect that it will be full of crazy hijinxes and clever, bratty banter. I'm not saying I don't expect her to get serious in her writing, but it's my guess that this will be an entertaining blog to follow. I'm excited to see more posts from Megan soon.

The Online Meanderings of Malignus: Finally, I will point you in the direction of Malignus' new blog. For those who aren't aware, Malignus is my boyfriend and Dominant, with whom I am moving in next month. As long as I've known him, I've respected and admired him for his intellect, his rationality, the strength of his character and his dedication to acquiring and sharing both knowledge and wisdom. I'm not entirely sure what he intends to write about on his blog (and I don't think he is, either) but I can guarantee you that it will be interesting, thought-provoking and written with correct spelling, grammar and punctuation. My guess is that it will have to do with spanking and being mean. He's an expert at those two things.

Monday, October 10, 2011

Spanked by a Girl :D

Saturday as my friend Mori’s birthday. She hosted a party at her home, which was really lovely. Homemade cupcakes and pizza with good friends is always a good combination, and Mori is a remarkable domestic! After eating and socializing, a number of us packed up and went over to Threshold, a local public BDSM play-space and education center. Threshold is my favorite of the play-spaces in Los Angeles because the general attitude is very friendly and comfortable. We met a lot of people for the first time that night, and everyone made me feel very welcome. They also have a “no sex ever!” policy, which makes things more comfortable for me. 

I spent the start of the evening just hanging out and chatting: that’s the activity that I’m most likely to engage in at a “dungeon” anyway. There’s a room there which is decorated like a bedroom in a fancy, renaissance (maybe) era mansion, and I enjoy that one the most: it doesn’t have the harsh feeling generally found in BDSM theme-rooms and is just a touch “homey” and therefore comfortable to me. A group of my friends ended up hanging out in that room together and it was really enjoyable. After a while, I asked my friend PrincessToy if she would want to try topping me. She knew all the basics and had expressed interest in trying it before. She agreed, and I bent over the padded, synthetic leather bench with my skirt lifted. 

The first part of the scene was way up there in terms of ridiculous spankings I’ve participated in. It was still fairly far behind the scene in which a friend spanked me with a bunch of celery sticks, or the time when my Pikachu slipper flew off and broke Serious_Face’s lamp, but it had classic and hilarious banter. I haven’t had a lot of chances to be spanked in a light-hearted group setting, and I find that very fun. There’s an aspect of performance to it: my reactions to the pain take on a silly tone, and I find myself squeaking, squealing and laughing instead of sniffling and sobbing. 

Yes. These slippers.

PrincessToy spanked me with my new textured spoon and it really does have a unique feeling to it. I would recommend that you check out your local Asian food market, if there is one in your area, because that’s a pretty cool implement. She also spanked me with the Pokepaddle, my original hairbrush from back in the day, an assortment of her leather toys, one of her hairbrushes which has an awesome thud to it (I want to track onedown for myself) and “The Evil Stick from Hell,” which is a heavy, hardwood paddle that is about three inches across and eighteen inches long. If that thing hurt as much as it did when a brand-new spanker, who was trying not to be too rough due to the atmosphere and our relationship, spanked me with it, then I’m horrified as to what it would be like in the hands of an experienced sadist. It might violate The Murder Rule. It is, most certainly, Unacceptable. 

After a ton of witty banter, Mori decided that Princesstoy was going to give me her birthday spanks. The girl clearly needs remedial counting lessons! I got at least two times the 28 swats I was due! At one point, a creepy creeper came into the room and acted as if he was going to get in on the action, but he was promptly told off and left. During the telling off, though, we took a break and I checked out my butt in the mirror. I’ve ceased to be as much of a magic marker as I used to be: it only took me six years! There was a time when a spanking of that intensity would have left me bruised, but that night, it was only a reddish pink. After all the creepy was taken care of, I got back in position and we went back to spanking. The conversation was very different than what I usually get during a scene: “Name a Sanrio character after every swat!”, “How many kittens do you want, Alex? I’m going to give you one spank per kitten!” and a rendition of the Pokemon theme song all contributed to my hysterical laughter. 

I believe in being honest all the time, so I answered "90". 

At one point, Princesstoy changed positions and put her hand on my back, holding me down as she spanked me and my entire demeanor changed rather instantly. It was pretty incredible to me how such a small gesture had such a large impact on my headspace, but I instantly felt very cozy and relaxed. With that element of calm suddenly in place, I became aware of a desire that had been building behind the scenes for quite a while: I wanted a spanking that left me in a calm and comforted headspace. I had never had one such spanking until I met with Malignus: all my previous spankings had been very adrenaline oriented. Sometimes, especially during bedtime spankings, he spanks me with an even rhythm and a slower than usual pace. I wouldn’t say that it’s a gentle spanking (for I don’t believe the man is familiar with the concept of “gentle” :P) and it certainly still hurts, but it brings me to a headspace where the fact that it hurts is totally irrelevant and I simply feel warm, cozy and safe. The whole “subspace” and “headspace” thing is, for me, still not largely understood, but I’m sure it has something to do with that. Anyway, I’ve recently had a lot of hard, cathartic spankings, but none that gave me that mysterious feeling that I choose to refer to as “being in my Pokeball.” 

Because I’m awesome at communicating what I desire and Princesstoy is pretty much the greatest service top I’ve ever met, I was able to instruct her in exactly how I wanted to be spanked. The emotional side of things was obviously very different, but the physical side was exactly what I’d been craving and it relaxed and calmed me enough that I simply didn’t care about a lot of concerns that I tend to carry around with me. I ended with a floaty, peaceful feeling. 

The rest of the night was a lot of fun. I was very calm and laid back feeling because of the positive after-effects of the scene. Several of my friends got tied in Shibari ties, since I hang out with a very rope oriented group of people, and while rope-work doesn’t do anything for me on a kink level, I find it very cool to watch and Milk Mage, who did the tying, is very creative at it. I also got to watch MaskofNormality get beaten really freaking hard with the Evil Stick from Hell. It pained me to watch when I imagined myself getting it, but because he’s a masochist, I enjoyed his enjoyment of things. 

All in all, it was a lovely night. I’m happy that I was able to go out and have fun with my Los Angeles crowd, even though I got home late and was too tired and busy to head down to Crowe’s Nice Little Spanking Party in Orange County the next day. I hear it was a success and that pleases me. 

I also want to point out that despite the fact that it was PrincessToy's first time really spanking someone, I ended up with a lightly marked and tender bottom the next day! Win!

Awkwardly taken photo of my butt from the morning after? Who DOESN'T want that! Pardon the fact that there are boxes and suitcases all over the floor in the background: I'm packing.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Implement Impulses

I have a very high spanking need. I got a hard spanking last Saturday (which made me sob and left me sore for a few days) and by Thursday, I was already getting antsy. I headed down to Chinatown to pick up some cardboard boxes for my packing and I quickly discovered that I was jones-ing harder than I thought: I saw implements everywhere I looked.

I suppose that’s not all that unusual: what kind of spanko can look at a wooden spoon and think: “Oh, that’s for cooking”? The difference is that when I’m not getting spanked often enough, I abandon all sense of self preservation. What I would normally look at and say: “Unacceptable!” becomes intriguing. I find myself on sites like cane-iac, wondering if maybe I need an acrylic paddle or a multi-strand cane. I start seeking out pervertables to add to my amazon wishlist. I keep nagging all my friends to go with me to The Stockroom Store in Silverlake to oogle the canes and straps there. 

When I’ve been spanked recently enough, I look at my collection of implements and think: “I have way more stuff than I even need.” I’ve got scary, awful stuff and I have things that can be used nicely. I have hairbrushes, paddles, canes and spoons. I have stuff made of wood, plastic and rubber. The only thing that I could argue to myself is the fact that I need leather implements, since I’ve recently decided that I’m fond of and comfortable with them, but those tend to be expensive, and I can’t justify spending too much money when I’m saving up to move. 

Not a bad collection, considering a year ago the only implement I had to my name was a single hairbrush!
There are some people who fetishize their toys, and almost get more from purchasing implements than using them. These players seem to prefer to switch implements frequently during scenes and are more likely to use heavier implements in a lighter style simply for the enjoyment of using something scary. Honestly, at the end of the day, I prefer hand-spanking over anything else (in the entire world!) but I do enjoy collecting implements. I find picking out and purchasing, out of my own free will, something that will hurt a lot to be a great form of active submission. I think that’s why my desire to purchase implements peaks when it’s been a while between scenes: I want to participate in the crafting of my future agony. It’s a way to be actively involved now in something that will happen in the future. 

I also love pervertables. I love spoons and hairbrushes: as a child, I rubbed my hand over the smooth, spanking surface of them and daydreamed (I never had the courage to self-spank when I was a kid). My very first implement was a hairbrush, one which is still in use. Just like I loved seeing the word “spanking” in the dictionary as a girl, I take great joy in finding something spanking related in a seemingly innocent place. So on Thursday, in Chinatown, I couldn’t help myself. 

I ended up buying four things. First, I saw a selection of regular wooden spoons. I found one that was lightweight but long handled: it just seemed like it would be wickedly stingy. Then, after shopping around a bit, I came across a giant pair of chopsticks, to be used for cooking. They looked just like a pair of little canes. On another aisle, I discovered a textured spoon for serving rice. I’ve long been interested in obtaining one of these: I think that the spanking surface of it will be interesting, to say the least. It will certainly be different than anything else I already have. I was going to start haggling about the price when I noticed giant spoons. I have a thing for stupidly big spoons: the kind you couldn’t possibly use for anything else. The first one came from Little Tokyo and was named “FLUFFY!” by Malignus. This one looked like it might be slightly bigger than FLUFFY! and was, when picked up, certainly heavier. It’s made of slightly flexible plastic. It’s going to be awful. 

It's hard to see the texture on the smaller white spoon, but know that it is covered in small, raised bumps.

I got all four items for $7.50 when I finished haggling in my broken Mandarin. Once home, I tested them against my arm and discovered that they all hurt a ton. I got a chance to experiment with the textured spoon at Threshold on Saturday night (more about that later) and it was awesome. I'm excited to be spanked with the rest of them, and to experience the one I did play with in the hands of a more seasoned top. Buying them certainly gave me something more to daydream about in the meantime.